I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
