it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Panties = found
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
