dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
