You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
