I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
im on a boat
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