Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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