tequila makes me forget i have legs
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
