i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
