id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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