Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize