I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
this hospital has no fireball
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
