I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
im six kinds of drunk right now
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
