mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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