Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
