Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
