What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
