Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize