You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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