My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
