even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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