she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
