He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
