i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
