Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
