oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
