Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
