Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
