Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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