these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
