barbara walters just said penis...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
