uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
