perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
