Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Drake has all the answers
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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