Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
