All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
