I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
