i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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