she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
