apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
