No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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