Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
