I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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