There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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