when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
