I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
