If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
