i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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