just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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