is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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