tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize