I only kidnapped one of them. chill
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
