I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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