Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
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