dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
