Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
