dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
