So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
