five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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