my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
