You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Sober January is a disaster.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My dick has a subreddit
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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