i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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