She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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