Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
