Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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