Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
