Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Are we still banned from the library?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
