My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
