You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
