Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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