I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
