i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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